ACollectionOfDrabbles
by LoquaciousGirl
Summary: This is a collection of drabbles of Remus/Sirius. Please read and review!Story Titles: Heaven-OnlyRemus-Silver Arrow-Wrong-Television-Sleeping-Last Kiss-MissingHim-Transformation-Female-TickTock-Summer-Broken-Stars-Leaving
1. Heaven

Remus POV:

Your caresses feel like heaven and your kisses taste like candy. Your touch is light and my eyes close and savor the moment. I love to breathe in your smell, so much like vanilla, and your breath touches my ear when you whisper sweet nothings. My heart beat accelerates when you lean in towards me, and your lips touch my fine, and I feel like I am flying. It seems unreal when you cup my chin, and kiss my tears, and hold me close.

I can feel your love behind every kiss, every touch, every hug. I love you more than you can possibly imagine.

It feels like _heaven _to know you love me too.


	2. Only Remus

Remus was better than Qudditch and cake and the trashy romance novels he secretly read and everything else Sirius loved. He didn't know what he'd do if he ever lost him.

His golden eyes reminded Sirius of the sun and his hair reminded Sirius of sand which reminded of lakes and seas which reminded him of evenings spent under the beech tree by the lake kissing as if their lives depended on it. Remus tasted like Quidditch, and cake, and trashy romance novels, if that was possible, but it was, because Remus tasted like everything Sirius loved because Sirius loved _him. _And when Sirius was with Remus, nothing else mattered, and Sirius was oblivious to everything - the lesson, the conversation that James was trying to hold, Peter staring up at him in awe for no apparent reason, and everything else, because Remus was there and _that _was the most important thing in the world.

Remus was the most important thing in the world.

Remus with his sandy brown hair that fell into his golden eyes, his _beautiful_ scars that covered every inch of his body, his rough scabbed lips that Sirius loved to feel against his own. Sirius wanted to hold him and never let go, Remus was his, and would always be his. He wanted everyone to know that, and everyone to see, that they couldn't have him because Remus was _his._

When Remus was near him his heartbeat accelerated, his breathing was erratic, and a haze over took his mind. Only Remus could do that. Only Remus could make him feel like he'd do_ anything _for the other boy to touch him. Only Remus could make him sound like a romantic sod. Only Remus could top Quidditch, cake, and trashy romance novels. Only Remus.

Only Remus.


	3. Silver Arrow

Remus and Sirius were sitting in their dorm room, having recently gotten together. The wireless was on and commercials were giving. Remus stared as Sirius lied against the bed, his eyes half lidded, his chin in his hands, and his mouth partly open. Sleek black hair covered half of a gray eye. Remus smiled at his 'out of it' look. Since Sirius had kissed him under the mistletoe last week, Remus was finding it hard to believe. He had been pining for three years - if he knew that all it took was a mistletoe, he would've set it up ages ago! He ran a hand through his hair as he thought. It was hard to believe Sirius was his now - in fact the last week of kisses and touches and loving words had been a blur to him. He wondered if it was the same to Sirius...He was being stupid. Sirius loved him, he had said so - and Sirius had _never _lied to Remus. For some reason, and Remus knew this because of an event involving Firewhiskey and Veritaserum that he'd rather not talk about, Sirius simply couldn't. But Remus still had a nagging feeling that Sirius would up and leave him as soon he found a better offer. Well, that was ridiculous too because Sirius had gotten much better offers during this week, as he always did, but said no to every single one of them. But Remus could not dispel the feeling.

Remus decided he really did not want to think about it anymore and paid more attention to the radio.

_Just see the Silver Arrow and you'll never want to go back to your old broom again! The best broom around..._

It was that simple commercial that caused Remus to burst into tears.

The sound of Remus' wailing shook Sirius out of his reverie. He looked with wide eyes to his miserable boyfriend.

"R-remus?"

"O-oh!" shook Remus, "H-hi Sirius..."

He hid his face in his hands and wailed louder. Sirius watched him, feelings a mixture of concern and shock, before crawling nervously over to him.

"Remus? Moony? What's wrong love?"

The word 'love' seemed to stop the crying a bit, and Remus peeked at Sirius from behind his fingers.

"A-are you going to leave me for a Silver Arrow?"

Sirius blinked.

"What?"

"A Silver Arrow! You're going to go with your bloody gorgeous Sliver Arrow and leave me, your old broom, sitting in the dust!"

He seemed quite deranged now. Sirius cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Remus? I'm sorry to break it to you love, but you're not a broom."

Remus sniffed.

"I know..." he said miserably, "B-but are y-you going to leave me?"

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows and wiped some of Remus' tears from his cheeks.

"Why would I do that?"

"B-because t-there are so m-many people who are...I don't know, better than _me, _who want to be with you!"

Sirius bent down to kiss the last tear strolling down his face. Then he moved his lips to Remus' own. The kiss was slow and sweet and _perfect._

"I love you," Sirius whispered into Remus lips, "You're _better _than _everyone _Remus, I love you so much."

And with that he bent down to capture Remus lips in a much more heated kiss.


	4. Wrong

**Wrong**

His eyes were a beautiful amber brown, with specks of blue near the pupils, _gorgeous. _A strand of sandy brown hair fell in front of one, and you slowly raise a hand to push it back behind his ear. Then your hands are on his waist, your foreheads touching, his hands coming to circle around your neck. He is a he. You are a he.

This is wrong.

His eyes are half lidded and you are sure yours are too. His breath skids across your lips. You sigh almost inaudibly and your breath mingles. Your bare toes are touching. He moves closer. Your thumb runs circles on his back. Both of your eyes are closing completely.

This is wrong.

Your lips meet. The kiss is slow and sweet, all chapped boy lips, different from a girls, and seems to last forever. Your lips move across each other like it's what they were meant to do. Your chests are touching and you can feel each other's heart beat. They are both beating almost impossibly fast.

If this is wrong, you don't want to be right.


	5. Television

"Sirius, stop lying or you'll sleep on the couch for a month."

"Moony, I'm not lying! If you'd just let me show you"-

"I refuse to let you show me something that doesn't exist!"

Sirius glared at his boyfriend and leaned down next to the large box in the middle of their flat. He took his wand out and opened it easily, then took out all of the cords and everything he needed, and lastly, the television inside the box.

"I'll show you," he grumbled, "Muggle pictures _can _move. I saw it when I went to Lily's house with James!"

Remus rolled his eyes. Padfoot was always going on about something. He watched as his lover easily assembled the television set with his wand. Sirius kneeled on the floor when he was done and stared at the buttons confusedly.

"I don't know which ones Lily pressed..."

He snatched the manual lying next to the now empty box, and Remus watched with amusement as the comprehension dawned on his face. He pressed the on button, and the TV jolted to life.

Remus stared the fuzzy gray screen.

"B-but," Sirius pouted miserably, "At Lily's house there were people! And they talked and everything!"

Remus sighed and sat down next to him.

"Sirius, right now all I can hear is 'shhhhh'."

Sirius looked like someone had just told him his pet died. Remus laughed and pressed his lips to Sirius'. "Give me that," he mumbled into his boyfriends' lips and grabbed the manual. He read the words, then sighed and pressed the button that said 'channel' above it. He blinked when he saw people, a bit fuzzy, but moving and talking on the screen.

_"Oh no, Tom, please don't go!"_

Sirius smirked triumphantly.

"See, I told you!" he said, "Lily called this a 'soap opera'."

Remus nodded, distractedly, eyes transfixed on the screen. Sirius stared at Remus, who was on his knees, eyes wide, face almost touching the television screen, taking in every movement of the people and word they said - and fell in love with him all over again.


	6. Sleeping

Sirius Black loved watching Remus Lupin sleep.

Lying next to him, Sirius thought that, Remus was like a different person when he was sleeping. Sirius noted the way his face was completely at ease, so unlike the day, when worry lines creased the teen's forehead and his teeth were always occupied biting his lip (or Sirius', for that matter).

But right now Remus actually looked happy and care free. The rising sun shone on his pale face and Sirius could tell that his lover was about to wake up by the way his long, beautiful, lashes fluttered.

When he woke, his amber eyes stared softly and sleepily into his boyfriend's gray ones.

"Mornin'," he mumbled, slightly incoherently.

"Good morning..." Sirius whispered softy, pushing a strand of sandy brown hair behind his lover's ears. He kissed Remus' soft lips gently.

The something startling happened.

It was at that very moment Sirius Black realized that he loved Remus Lupin.

And he was not one for holding back.

He nuzzled his face into Remus neck and mumbled,

"I love you."

He could almost hear the smile on Remus' face.

"I love you too."


	7. Last Kiss

**A/N: I orinially posted this as a separate story, but I decided to put it here and delete the other one. It's so short, and I don't want my profile to be cluttered (it overwhelms me when authors have like fifty something stories on their page, and I feel like I have to look through all of them, and I feel like it's such a mess - I don't know, it just annoys me, which is weird, because I am a _very_ disorganized person-and it's not even that their profile is disorganized, it's just that there's alot of stories and I don't know, I'm just weird. I'll stop rambling now). Plus, I didn't get that many reviews for when it was separate, so here you go...Oh, and if you reveiwed for when it was separate, thank you, and you don't have to review - unless you want to. =)**

Kissing Sirius was blissfully wonderful and painfully heartbreaking at the same time. To feel those beloved lips on his own when he knows this must mean nothing to Sirius. Remus ran a hand through the silky black hair thoroughly, not knowing if this was the last time he would do so. With that thought in my mind, Remus turned the originally slow, lazy, and languid kiss into a sharp, fierce, and passionate make out session.

_This might be the last time we do this..._

Remus started kissing Sirius harder and faster, eventually slipping his tongue inside and exploring his boyfriend's mouth. The thought that this might be the last kiss they shared was etched into his mind now, so that he fully believed it. He grabbed Sirius shoulder's and tried to ignore the stinging sensation behind his eyes. His hands roamed everywhere, and he could tell that Sirius was slightly shocked but going with it.

He forced all the desperation and need he felt into this 'last kiss', hoping that Sirius could feel how much Remus loved him _so much so much so much. _He could feel the tears running down his cheeks but ignored them as he pulled up for air.

He and Sirius were both gasping.

"Wow," said Sirius breathlessly, his cheeks flushed and eyes shining, "What was- what was _that?"_

Remus stared at his knees.

"Remus?"

The lycan looked up slightly at the confused tone his lover had used.

"Yes?" he asked quietly.

_Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me..._

Sirius cocked his head and peered concernedly at Remus.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, placing his warm hand over Remus' cold one. The display of affection once again clouded the werewolf's vision, for he knew it wouldn't last.

"Remus...?"

"I love you," the words spilled from Remus' mouth for the first time, "I love you so much and I just thought you should know because it wouldn't be fair to you or me for you to go on th-thinking this was j-just an e-experiment,"-he was stuttering on his words now, tears rolling down his face rapidly-" and d-didn't mean anything to either of us and I just love you _so _much"-basically now he was just babbling but he didn't care-" and I'm so sorry, I know you can't feel the same way, but I do, I love you, and"-

Remus was cut off by two fingers covering his mouth.

"Oh Remus," Sirius chuckled.

And then he was planting kisses along his neck.

"You talk way, way, too much," he said, "way too much."

Sirius cupped Remus' face and pressed his lips to each cheek. Then he was kissing each trace of a tear that was still on Remus' face. His mouth was coming closer to Remus' red lips...

"I. Love. You."

His lips landed on Remus' and both their eyes fluttered closed. Arms wrapped around each other and lips moved in a way that said they'd done this a million times and would do it a million more times.

And more.

Remus knew this was not the last kiss.


	8. Missing Him

The skies are as gray as your stormy eyes.

They remind me a little bit too much of you. It's raining tremendously hard, the raindrops not making the _pitter patter_ that they usually do on the windowsill, but a noisy _boom boom _and all I can think about is your loud voice and then the lightning flashes and I blink and all I can think about is your blinding smile. I'm all alone in the dormitory today, and I will be for the next week, and I have been for the past week. Peter and James went home for the holidays and so did you, to some family function that you'll start bitching about as soon as you walk through the door.

Which I can't wait for, by the way.

My brown hair is flopping in my eyes but I am too content with my arms looped around my knees and imagining that the thunder is your booming voice to reach up and remove it. I'm waiting for your owl, but even you wouldn't be cruel enough to send a bird out in this weather. I can't stop thinking about your soft kisses and the way you hold me when we're relaxing by the Common Room fire. Is it a little bit pathetic to be missing you so much after only a week apart? It must be, I bet you aren't missing me that much, even at your horrid family function. I'm talking to you in my head, that's how obsessed with you I am. Maybe you'll get this in a telepathic message....? Oh hell, we're not twins. I wish you could hear this though. I wish you were here.

I miss you.


	9. Perfect

Long pale fingers weave through silky black hair in the silent darkness of a very small, cramped, dorm room. Two boys lay on one bed, two pairs of legs tangle into each others, chests touch, pounding hearts beating in rhythm, _thump thump thump..._They are perfect, like a fallen crimson leaf in the middle of October.

"Remus," the one on top whispers, eyelashes just barely brushing the other boys' freckly cheeks, "Remus...Remus, what are we doing?"

They are frozen, glued together; they are perfect, like the beautiful, colorful designs on a butterfly's wing.

"I don't know," Remus whispers back, eyes lowered slightly, fingers unmoving, still threaded in the other boy's dark hair, "I don't know Sirius, but it feels...it feels..."

"I know."

They are perfect, like the sparkling azure ocean in lands far far away.

Sirius leans his head down further, and lips brush tentatively, and then all of a sudden they're kissing, hard and fast and desperate, and they don't know what's going on, but oh gods they are perfect, perfect like the crunch of pure white snow on a winter's day.

Perfect.


	10. Transformation

I breathe in your words, I drink in your beautiful voice, so soothing and deep, flowing and wonderful, and I sink in the comfort you continue giving, you always give. I grab your hand and I never want to let go. Your smell is intoxicating, the musky smell of wood and dog and boy and I love you I love you I love you. I'm trying to say it now, but all that's coming out is "I lo-lo-love..."and I can't continue, it hurts too much in my chest and my throat but it's okay because you're shushing me and stroking my hair and saying, "Hush, Moony, I know you love me."

I wonder how I could've found someone like you, so incredible and amazing, someone who takes care ofme after I'm through being a _monster_ for a night.

You're smiling your crooked little smile at me, the one you save _just for me. _I weakly reach a hand up to grab a strand of your silky black hair and twirl it around and around and around. Morning sunlight is wafting slightly through the cracks in the boarded up windows of the shack, and I turn to look at Prongs and Womtail sleeping peacefully.

"Moony, I love you," you whisper to me and I look into your eyes of molten silver and smile.

"I love you more."

You grin at me and lean down to press a soft kiss to my lips.

"Never," you say without your lips leaving mine. And when you pull away I'm not even disappointed.

I grab your hand again and your fingers intertwine with my own and I think, _life would be wonderful if it was just **this** forever and ever._


	11. Female

"Remus, please!"

Sirius' hand latched onto Remus' skinny wrist; Remus struggled and failed to pull away.

"I'm sorry Sirius."

Sirius' eyes grew wide with pleading, love, and desperation. Remus bit his lip and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"But I know you want this Remus," Sirius whispered shakily, "I _know _you. I can see that you love me too, please, let me be with you!"

"Sirius"-

"You kissed me back!" Sirius screeched, throwing his hands in the air, his beautiful silver eyes now shining with tears. And then his voice lowered to an almost inaudible level, "Don't do this to me Remus, please."

The first tear fell. Remus looked away hastily. He would not be with Sirius and make himself more of a freak than he already was. Perhaps it was a little selfish, but this was _his_ life. Where could he go as a werewolf, let alone a _gay_ werewolf?

"Sirius, I can't do this."

"Remus, _please_," it came out hoarse, desperate, and needy - something Remus had never heard from Sirius. He turned his amber eyes toward the floor.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Sirius let his hand fall away from Remus' wrist and silently broke down.

"We-we can still be friends?" Remus said - or asked. It came out as more of a question that a statement.

"Yeah," Sirius whispered, his glossy black hair falling over his tearstained cheeks.

Remus left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?"

Remus stared thoughtfully at Nymphadora Tonks' smiling heart-shaped face, framed by her bubble gum pink hair.

"Well..."

Her hair was the only thing she'd changed about her natural features today. She looked quite like Sirius...same face, same crooked grin, same liquid silver eyes. Her personality was all Sirius also- eccentricity, kindness, intelligence...She was Sirius- just, female.

Yes. This would work.

"Sure."

**A/N: Marauders-And-Lily-I-Love: You know, I'd been meaning to reply to your review, and by the time I was going to, I couldn't find the link. I'm sorry, I really wanted to reply to it because you seemed so concerened that you might have offended me with your suggestion - you didn't by the way- and I probably made you think that you did, by not answering and posting two _more _that are totally romantic and serious. But, I posted I sad one for you! I know it really sucks though and I'm sorry, I don't know what's with me today. I mean if you compare this to something like Only Remus, I know it's pretty bad...But I hope it's at least okay.**

**Anyways, review people.**

**All the cool kids are doing it =)**


	12. TickTock

Sirius wants to scream.

His knees are pressed so tightly together that he cannot remember a time when they were apart. He can't remember when they were not stuck to each other, so much like his thoughts-jumbled up and sticky and clumped like syrupy fingers.

He looks at his watch.

**tick-tock**_, _it says_._

His deep shaky breaths are slow and contrast with his rapidly beating heart. It doesn't feel like _thud thud thud_ but more like, _BOOM BOOM BOOM, _and Sirius is sure that it's going to burst out of his chest and leave a gaping black hole. But his heart remains in his chest, thumping painfully fast.

**tick-tock**_._

Sirius still wants to scream.

_"You're in love," _says someone hiding in the back of his mind. He closes his eyes and sees bright colored spots and blobs and shapes that look like hearts and exes and blood leaking from his thoughts. The rest is darkness. The little person in the back of his mind decides to stampede on his brain, making it pound and pound and pound. Sirius clutches his hair and wills back the tears.

_"You're in love with a boy," _whispers the little person.

**tick-tock**_._

Sirius presses his face into his still-stuck-together knees. He remembers James' utterly loving words of _shining fiery hair _and _sparkling emerald eyes _and _she said yes Sirius she said yes. _He sounded so...happy to be in love. Sirius had selfishly wanted it too. He witnessed the love pouring from James' bright hazel eyes, the color of pink like Valentine's Day and hearts and flowers, and Sirius wanted to swallow it and keep it for himself. But Sirius' love was a dark red, the color of suffering and blood and heartbreak.

**tick-tock**_._

_"You're in love with Reeemus," _said the little voice again, mocking him, taunting him and Sirius thinks **_stop it stop it stop it please stop it_**_._

"Sirius?" there is a soft voice coming up from the steps; Sirius would know that beautiful voice anywhere, "Sirius? Are you okay up there? Breakfast is going to be over soon."

**tick-tock**_, _the clock says_, _**re-mus-is-wai-ting-for-you**_._

Sirius wipes one tear away.

"Yeah, Remus," he yells down the stair case in a surprisingly steady voice, "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute."

**re-mus-will-ne-ver-love-you**_, _ticks the clock_. _

Sirius gets off the bed and walks to the door; he'll go to breakfast, even if he can't eat. Remus is waiting for him. He can't keep Remus waiting.

**tick-tock**_._

He rips the watch off his wrist and hurls it to the ground.

The glass shatters.

So does Sirius.

--


	13. Summer

Remus' fingers were cold in his hand.

They felt like icicles on that warm breezy day, the sun bright and beaming on them. It made Remus' hair shine and shimmer into a million shades of golden brown.

Sirius kissed his smile, kissed him hard on the mouth, grass tickling his bare feet. Remus tasted like summer, like shiny red apples and glimmering lakes, his icicle fingers skimming lightly across Sirius' shoulder.

When Sirius pulled away, flushed and breathless, Remus was still smiling. Sirius kissed him again.


	14. Broken

Sirius stumbled in, crying.

Remus sipped his tea and kept his eyes carefully trained on the fine print of the Daily Prophet. Deaths, deaths, lies, and deaths, it said, and Remus felt it when the scalding hot tea touched his tongue.

Sirius looked up at him, his face splotchy and eyes rimmed with red, face streaked with tears.

_I'm broken, _his eyes said, glittering with wetness, _fix me?_

Remus dropped his mug; the glass shattered and the tea spread across the floor and slipped into the cracks.

Another broken thing.

Sirius sobbed harder. Remus left, and didn't come back.


	15. Stars

They ran out of the Halloween Dance together, holding hands.

Sirius let his hand slip from Remus' once they reached their favorite tree, the forgotten apple tree that stood near but not in the Forbidden Forest. It was unnoticed by most students because of its similarity, discovered by the Marauders because of its difference. No other tree could be climbed like this one could, no other tree had apples so shiny and perfect, no other tree held so many memories. Sirius touched a finger to the beautiful bark. He pressed his lips to his boyfriends' briefly, then laughed and fell to his knees beside the leaves.

Sirius scooped up a handful of leaves and tossed them in the air; singing, twirling, laughing. The autumn leaves swirled in a scarlet and gold dance, choreographed by the wind. Remus sat and watched as Sirius spun and sung and moved with them. When they finally fell, they descended onto Remus' hair and on his shoulders and by his feet.

The moon shone on them with its bright beaming light, and for once, Remus could look at it and smile.

They could hear the music blaring faintly from the Great Hall. Sirius whirled, he danced in the light of the crescent moon, his eyes light and carefree and beautiful like Remus rarely got to see anymore. His smile was bright and shining, his laughter rang out in Remus' ears like a song. He was a child today, a teenager experiencing youth and beauty and love, instead of war and death and secrecy.

Remus balanced a leaf on his finger and shook the sentimental thoughts from his head, eyes lowered to his knees. He kept a smile on his face all the same. Sirius sang, off-key and too high pitched. It made Remus' headache increase, but heart warm.

"You sing beautifully, Sirius!" Remus called out, laughing, "So beautifully, that I think you should probably stop before my jealousy takes control of me and I have to hex you. Please. Stop."

Sirius spun around and mock glared at Remus, the corners of his mouth twitching as if to hide a smile. He grabbed another handful of leaves and threw them at his teasing boyfriend, but they landed pitifully about two feet away from Sirius' shoes. Remus was still laughing.

"How badly will you hurt me if I keep singing?" he asked, kicking the leaves up and watching them fly into the air in all different directions. Remus bit his lip and stared at Sirius with smiling eyes.

"My jealousy is much worse than my monthly affliction, I assure you."

Sirius grinned at him, then spun around again and continued to dance to the music they could barely hear from the raging party in the Great Hall. Remus rested his chin on his knees, and continued to watch.

The minutes ticked away and Sirius soon grew tired of dancing; he ran to Remus, sitting by their tree, and he kissed him. The students trickled out from the Great Hall, exhausted from dancing and singing and laughing, and walked up to their respective dormitories. Sirius and Remus kissed underneath their apple tree, hidden from sight, only seen by the lake and stars.

Tonight, they were free. Tomorrow, they would wake up and NEWTs worries would crash upon them, the Daily Prophet would bring news of more of the terrible tragedies that occurred every day, worries, worries, lies, lies, always.

But for tonight, they just pulled apart softly, cheeks tainted with pink, and stared at the twinkling stars above them.

_look at the stars_

_look how they shine for you_

_and all the things that you do_


	16. Leaving

Sirius was bleeding.

Remus mopped up the puddle of blood on the wooden floorboards with a grimy white towel, his breathing harsh and heavy. Sirius sat on the couch with a large gash across his exposed leg, jeans rolled up to the knee. He bled profusely; the drops plopped onto Remus beige shirt and dripped onto the floor. Remus kept cleaning it, over and over and over and over. Every drop that spilled, he scrubbed away obsessively.

Sirius looked on with tired gray eyes.

Their home had never been this quiet. Sirius could hear the crickets, the ticking of the clock, Remus' heavy breathing and the _scrub scrub scrub _of the towel on the floor. He looked at his leg, covered with blood. He looked back at Remus, on his knees, cleaning the floor.

Remus had never really cared about cleanliness.

"What are you trying to prove, Remus?" Sirius asked, his voice hoarse and ragged, dark hair falling into his weary face, "What? Now the floor is more important than I am?"

Remus' arm stilled from scrubbing, his grip tightening so fiercely on the towel that his knuckles turned white. Remus' face was pale, paler than usual, face etched with worry lines and eyes drained of life.

"I don't know where you got that wound from, Sirius," he said to the ground coldly, his grip on the towel punishing and unrelenting, "I don't know, you won't tell me anything. It should be me that asks whether I'm less important"-

"Oh fuck you, Remus," Sirius' tone was biting and frostier than ice, his eyes emotionless and hollow. He looked to all the world like an angry and bitter man, but if you knew him well enough you could see the lingering sadness in the way his mouth drooped and fingers clutched his knee. "I'm tired of you acting like you're the only one who ever fucking suffers. I was on Order business, you _know_ I can't tell you!"

Remus looked up at him with his beautiful amber eyes that Sirius used to adore; he remembered how he used to trace the freckles that surrounded them, used to run his fingers across Remus' eyelashes while he slept. Now Sirius wanted nothing more than to look away from those eyes, those eyes that used to drip with affection and now were frozen with pain. He wanted to look away and never see them again. The way he sunk into them was too painful; he couldn't do that anymore, things weren't the same.

"So you don't trust me, then?"

It was very silent for a moment, and Sirius was painfully aware that his leg was still bleeding. He sighed and stifled a gasp of pain as his leg twitched involuntarily from the cold.

"It's not like you trust _me_," he said despairingly, defeated and exhausted, a million things running through his mind that he wanted to say to Remus, that he's wanted to say to Remus for weeks. He tried to grasp onto one, but the angry and hurt and desperate thoughts slipped through his fingers like sand. "It's not like you trust me."

Remus did not respond, but kept staring at Sirius with his painfully beautiful eyes. He did not deny anything, and Sirius knew _then_ that they were broken and unfixable.

He tried to fix it anyways.

Sirius leaned over and lifted Remus' chin; he pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. He pulled away.

Remus did not move for several seconds; the seconds ticked by as slowly as years. Then he suddenly stood up and ran to his room, leaving the towel on the floor, stained with blood. The slam of the door echoed in Sirius' ears for what seemed like an eternity.

-

-

-

-

_(In the middle of the night Remus came back to the living room where Sirius slept, nuzzling his nose into the arm of the couch, his injured leg hanging off the side. He wiped away the dried dark blood on Sirius' leg with a wet and recently cleaned towel; it was turquoise, Sirius' favorite color. He bandaged Sirius' leg, carefully, lovingly, and planted a kiss by Sirius' eye. Then he took his battered suitcase and he left._

_And they did not speak again for twelve years.)_

_-_

_-_

_-_

_-_

Sirius woke up alone.


End file.
